Back Again with a Life Update

It's been awhile and I'm starting to feel like myself again...

Truth be told, my blog hasn't been of focus lately - for quite some time actually. I think after the near-drowning experience last year (here), something inside me changed and I wasn't sure what it was. I just knew something felt different. And it just kept staying that way.

I was lost. I was confused. I felt distant. And it's hard to exactly describe what that feeling was because it wasn't something constant, it just came here and there and I tried to ignore it. But it still felt like something was missing, something was gone. And I couldn't figure it out. When I wrote about taking time out for myself more on my Instagram, someone left a comment that it was a good thing and that maybe I should take swimming lessons to overcome my fear. I didn't understand it at first but it sunk in the back of my head. What did she mean? I already know how to swim, how would taking swimming lessons help me? Later did I realize that she was probably referring to how my traumatic beach experience may still be haunting me and by taking swimming lessons can I then overcome it. WOW. It totally made me see things from a different perspective and that maybe (just maybe) a part of me was still haunted and a kind stranger that I never met before cared enough to help me find a solution. I can't thank her enough for her thoughtfulness and suggestion.

Her comment left me thinking. I contemplated on-and-off on whether I should take swimming lessons but a big part of me wanted to be in disbelief that that experience was what changed me. So I was determined to "find myself" another way but no matter what I tried, that void was still there. Now I realize that a part of me IS missing. Like an innocence in me. I am no longer as daring or adventurous. When I see the ocean, a part of me stops and gets intimidated to get close to the water but I try to shrug it off. I'm more cautious to do things whereas before I wouldn't give it too much thought and just go for it.

And now, about 10 months later from that incident, I'm learning to slowly accept it more and adapt. Because that's what we have to do in life, right? Obstacles come and we learn to figure it out. We can't avoid it. And maybe this lesson was something I was supposed to learn. That being more cautious is a good thing. That taking more time out to be in the present was needed. That life is short and we should spend it doing things that make us happy.

Has something changed your perspective on life?

As always, thanks for reading and giving you a big hug for supporting my bloggie!

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{WEARING} Forever21 dress (similar here) :: Blue Planet Eyewear "Ash" sunglasses (here) c/o Beyond Fifteen :: Vans sneakers

{Photos taken during our Japan honeymoon 04/2018}

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